Managing former peers: how to lead your old coworkers

Updated November 9, 2026

The relationship has changed, so say it out loud: talk to each former peer one to one in your first week, acknowledge the shift, and ask what they need from you. Then be fair and consistent. You can stay friendly, but you can no longer be one of the gang when it comes to gossip, favors or complaints about the company.

What to do

1. Talk first to whoever wanted your job. Within days, tell them you value their skills and ask what kind of work they want next. Do not apologize for getting the role.
2. Meet everyone else one to one. Ask what works, what bothers them, and how they want to be managed. Listen more than you talk.
3. Set the new rules once, for everyone. Explain how you will assign work, make decisions and share information, then stick to it.
4. Change your social habits. Keep lunches and coffee, but stop venting about leadership, and never discuss one teammate with another.
5. Address the first slip quickly. If an old friend misses a deadline, raise it privately the same week, exactly as you would with anyone else.

What to say

In a one to one with a former peer, try:

This is a bit strange for both of us, and I'd rather say it than pretend it isn't. I still value working with you. My job now is to help you do your best work and to be fair to the whole team. What would make this work well for you, and what should I keep doing or stop doing?

Avoid

• Proving you are the boss with sudden strict rules in week one.
• Giving your friends the best projects or letting them off the hook: the rest of the team will notice.
• Avoiding a hard conversation because you used to be close.

Questions